I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
I'm a one-man idiot.
Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
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